The holidays are tough for me. When I bought the first present, wrapped it and put it under the tree, it brought back a lot of memories from back home in Detroit and Dearborn Heights. I know my father was ridiculous and a huge jerk, he was so incredibly angry around the holidays but that never let my mom and I stop from putting up a tree and lights. Christmas is my favorite.. even if I have terrible memories. My only relief in high school was going to Florida and spending it with my aunt and uncle. They treated me so good! And ya I was spoiled with presents, but that is not why I wanted to go, I wanted to get away from that evil person.
I am finally able to relax and be happy. Tim bought us a Christmas tree and we put it up right after Thanksgiving. We went to Bronners and even bought ornaments that we both really liked. I love him for making Christmas easier for me. He has been nothing but supportive (besides with me buying so many gifts!..oops) but it has been fun. This year I was finally able to make it to the Bradley's to put up their tree and make cookies. Sadly I missed it all last year :( but this year I had a lot of fun. We even went to Bay City and watched A Christmas Story at their theater. I had a lot of fun. AND Tim and I had the most wonderful date night. We went and seen the Holiday Pops at the Whiting in Flint and got really dressed up. Beth (Tim's mom) not only colored my hair but she curled it for me :) It looked really amazing. Those are the moments that I will remember forever!
He's honestly the best thing that has even happened to me and I would never do anything stupid to change that! In between my fun with Tim and his family, I also went out with some of the Belleman's and my mother (my family), and it was FUN! I miss my mom a lot but I have learn to accept that she has her life in Roseville and I am officially in Grand Blanc, MI until Tim and I decide where we are going from here. I love that my mom still will follow me on Facebook and still calls!
But while I am having fun and living life, something not acceptable happened. Something that was so intolerable, my heart is still aching.
A shooting took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conneticut. A man shot his mother (a teacher at the school) before going to this Elementary school and shooting not only those 6 adults, but all of the 20 children you see here. I refuse to mention the shooters name because I refuse to give him any more light even if he did kill himself. How can someone be so sick, to plan out such a thing? The past 5 years have been nothing but filled with psycho's. From the Virginia Tech shooting to this :( It breaks my heart that these children will never see what its like to really live. To first learn how to drive, to be able to go alone with friends to the mall, to turn 18 and 21. I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to really live.
The biggest question is "How do we stop the violence?" But can we? Stuff like this has been happening before I was even born. Drugs are illegal in the states and I am sure in other countries, but guns are legal. They are currently trying to make a ban on guns but will that honestly make a difference? If you can find a buyer and get drugs, don't you think that you could find a buyer for guns? It's NOT that hard. Is there really a way to stop the violence? The craziness? Can we find a cure for psycho-ness?
This right here is a photo of a man who did the same thing, but instead with a bomb. Are we going to start putting bans on everything? Require a license to even buy fertilizer? What is that going to do? I don't have the answer obviously, but it makes me think. For the sake of my future children, is having children really worth it?
Everyone always says things like "don't let that stop you," and "you deserve to be happy, if you want kids, have them." But how do I stop monsters like the shooter and this bomber from getting to them? How do I protect them enough? Love just isn't enough and neither is keeping them cooped up. There is no answer. Praying could potentially protect them, but as I was listening to the radio the other day, they made a solid point. If God was real, wouldn't he have thrown a protective shield around those babies? Wouldn't he have changed the killers mind? Couldn't he have done something? (I know this is a VERY touchy subject, but its my blog and I will touch it if I want to). I guess only time will tell. Only the future will tell me if things will be okay or not.
I will tell you one thing, I will never take life for granted again. I may go out and have fun but I will always thank God for giving me life and letting me live. We will never know the answer to all of the insanity and the problems, but I will say, finding a solution is highly impossible.
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