As this year comes to an end...

As this year comes to an end, it is bittersweet. I am grateful for everything I was able to experience such as: more Red Wings games, Spring Break in Florida, Summer trip to Grand Haven, MI, two years with my boyfriend who turned into my Fiance. I learned from different experiences and am ready to start a new year. But as this year is coming to a close, I am depressed, depressed because the one person who mean't the most to me, outside of immediate family passed away.

As I look on the past year, I feel as if I have grown and my personality has shown more. Tim and I have had so many good things come into our life and we are forever grateful. That time together, living together, being together and learning to grow together, we got engaged! It was on November 22nd, 2013 right as we were done eating dinner. I was extremely surprised.

He makes me the happiest woman in the world. He has been patient with me through all my tough times, through my impatience and immaturity. He is the one that I have always wanted and more. I can not wait to become Mrs. Bradley Jr. :) I am so in love with him and each day just gets better and better. I went to my first Red Wings game with this guy, went to my first Spring Training for the Tigers in Florida, Experienced our first Pistons game together. So many things just make a relationship stronger. People often forget that in order to grow together, you have to continuously reconnect.

But on November 22nd, Tim and I were at the aquarium in Chicago and while we were there, I would get my last phone call from the best aunt in the world. We talked and laughed and I will never forget that. I know she was out of it because she just kept talking and talking, but it was so good to hear her voice. When the conversation came to an end, I asked if I could call her back, but she had stated that she was going to be sleeping, so not to even bother. I had sent her pictures of our engagement and this is what I received back:

She actually had the strength to text me, even though I didn't exactly understand it, it means more to me than anyone will ever know. To know that even through everything that was happening to her, she was able to make jokes with me. We had this inside joke about lime green. Back when she was buying me clothes for my sixth grade year in middle school, I found an all lime green outfit and she hated it. She bought me a lime green scarf the next year and wanted me to send it to her. Sadly, before I could, the end came.

I will always love her. She taught me morals, she taught me how to be me and make decisions for myself. We used to walk in a store, she told me to pick something but I could be there for a year because I didn't know how to decide for myself. I let my parents make all the decisions for me until I was mature enough and I thank Aunt Liz every day for coming in my life. She spoiled the hell out of me and I am forever grateful for that too. I mean this woman had Uncle Tom buy me a laptop, told me it was going to be a small Christmas, but still went out and bought me a kindle fire. That is my loving, caring, crazy aunt. I will miss you. I will miss our laughs and our struggles. I already miss you yelling at me for posting things on Facebook. I love you. I am glad you are no longer in pain and you can finally rest easy.

I am so proud of my Uncle Tom. He is one of the strongest people I know. She didn't go through it alone, he was right along side of her and never left. I am proud of him for being in Florida and being strong to go through it alone with the help of a family friend. When he called to tell me, I busted out in tears but he assured me it was okay to cry. I love you Uncle Tom.

As I go through this rough time, many happy things are coming up for me as well. I will be planning my wedding with my Aunt Liz in mind. I will just have to argue with myself lol. But I also have another year of Christmas with the Bradley's. They have made me feel so welcome and accepted me for who I am. I love my morning talks with Beth even if its at 2-5 am every night. Jennah will be my maid of honor. I am excited to be more permanent in their family.

 Although the wedding isn't till 2015, I constantly am looking at pinterest. I have been repinning things, saving pages, and even started a guest list for the wedding to get the show on the road. If you can't tell, I am excited to be marrying my best friend. I love you Timothy John Bradley Jr. Forever and Always.

I hope everyone finishes out 2013 alright, and just know, the loved ones who can't be with us today will be watching over us. They are no longer in pain and don't have to live in what this world has become today (in reference to all the shootings). I love you Aunt Liz. Rest in Heaven my angel, 12-15-13.

Frumpy and Lumpy

Not many people are willing to talk about the effects of being obese/overweight/gigantic/clumpy. Well in the past few months, well actually years, I have learned that shopping for clothes becomes harder and harder. Let me tell you, weight is not an easy thing to carry. Is it my fault? Hell yes, but there are other complications in which has caused my weight to spike. How about that birth control? The one that makes your hormones crazy until you even out and your body becomes used to it?  Or how about having asthma and having to take steroids constantly? Those are only little contributors.

Back to clothes. Let me tell you, I used to shop Lane Bryant weekly, if not daily. They had clothes that you could afford, but also clothes that would fit you like a glove. When you are frumpy and obese, you want clothes to fit like a glove in a positive way, NOT where you can see every fat roll or every stretch mark. Ever since Lane Bryant has made a shirt worth $65.00 and skinny jeans $110, I have not been able to find a store that has clothes that fits me well. I am not the type to spend tons of money on clothes, in fact, I have been shopping at Walmart recently and am not ashamed. In the past year or two, Walmart has gotten better with fashion.

I honestly would rather shop online than in store. Kohls has all old lady clothing in store that just doesn't fit my style. BUT when you go online, Kohls has awesome young adult looking clothing. Becareful when you buy pants from there, especially online, always TRY them on! I have 5'3 practically, and I have trouble finding pants in "short" sizes. Hence why I used to shop at Lane Bryant. Sadly, they have become a high end store like Macy's and it just isn't my forte anymore. Another store that has sucky clothing for plus size women is JCPenny's. Let me tell you what pisses me off the most, is feeling secluded from other sections. The plus size in our store is on the 2nd floor. You literally have to take the escalator and elevator to get to the second floor just to find the plus size section. Not only does that hurt my feelings, BUT have the smallest section like the size of my bathroom kills me more.

Okay okay now you're thinking, "well if you're so depressed why don't you do something about it?" well have you ever been depressed? Have you ever wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear from the world? I have. When I was a senior in high school, I was working with a trainer at a gym for an hour almost every day of the week, but I was also taking gym as a prerequisite to graduate. Having gym/work out time for 2 hours a day was amazing, but also made my weight come to a halt. I was starting to build muscle and that is NOT what I wanted to do. Trust me, when each new year comes around, I always talk about what I need to do to lose weight, but never do it, so that is my fault. I am blaming no one but myself. I even got a gym membership that I have used all of once or twice. Well back to my initial post... rant over.

When Maurices was coming to our mall here in Flint, I got so excited. FINALLY a plus size store that was reasonably priced, and wasn't ashamed to have our clothing front and center. In the past few months, I noticed that the front of the store became all skinny people clothing and the plus size magically appeared in the back of the store. Why is that? Because they became ashamed. When they first had their website up, they didn't separate plus size and regular size, but now they do. You know, that little tab that says plus size? Ya, that hurts too. TJ Maxx used to be my go-to-store but now it only has a small tiny rack dedicated to 2x. My store carries maybe 10 different shirts in 2x, that is NOTHING compared to what I need in options. Affordable clothing is my number one problem.

When they took Fashion bug away... I was devastated. I could actually go in with $100 and come out with atleast 3 bags of clothing. Now, $100 gets you no where. Why are plus size so secluded or so expensive? I don't have that answer, and I can say no one does. Stores just go with "policy" which I think is utter crap. Walmart is NOT that bad in clothing if you take care of your stuff. Who is going to really see your clothing and be like "OMG you got that at Walmart?" No one. In the past people have had to ask me where I got my clothing from, but never once stated it like that. They have come a long way for being Walmart, you just have to make sure to take care of the clothing. They aren't cheaply made anymore, but they do come at a cheap price. I actually have about 7 shirts in my closet that are my FAVORITE from Walmart. First, they are comfortable, second, they don't hug my fatness, third, they have lasted for a year or two, longer than my department store clothing.

If you are on a budget, I suggest shopping at Walmart, or ordering online at Kohls, or Avenue.