“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.” ― Bill Cosby

Since I started college, I have seen people come and go from my life. Facebook has really been the only way to hold on to my past. At some point, I started adding all the people I graduated with to stay in touch. But what I realized is that I wasn't ready to let go. High school came and went, it seemed to go so slow, but in reality, graduation happened too quick. Half the people I added, I never once hung out with, not once was invited to be part of their little frenzy, nor did I ever want to be part of it. They say that when you graduate you will hold on to true friends. But I found out, I had no true friends. High school was so fake to me and I couldn't wait to get out. All the pettiness, all the back stabbing, the immaturity, I HATED going to school. And yes, I just contradicted myself: graduation came too quick, but yet I hated going to school. Who didn't?

What they also say is that you will miss it. The ONLY thing that I miss about my high school is the pep rallies, the parades, the games, and the idea of being some where other than home for almost 8 hours a day. I also miss not having responsibilities for food, bills, etc..  

Through my entire Middle School, and High School existence  our teachers beat into our heads what colleges look for. State tests (they were the death of me) were given to make sure we were where we were supposed to be. I truly am surprised at the number of people not in college. I don't care what any one says, but I find college debt to be good debt. Good debt? Wtf is that? Well, its something you accomplished. You made it through school. With all the scholarships I have applied for and never received, I have to take out student loans. I have no choice. U of M: Flint is NOT the best place to give out scholarships. In the 3 school years that I have attended, I have received a total of maybe $4, 000 in scholarships. 

Getting back to my original point, my entire news feed is either babies, marriage or at least a proposal or two. When thinking about all that I have in my life, yea, maybe I wish I was married or had a baby, but I am only twenty. I have 10+ years still to have children and honestly I am in no rush. Tim and I are planning on traveling once he gets a new car. Going around the united states and eventually taking a cruise or two. Not saying you can't do all that with a child, but not having that responsibility out weights all of it. I talk to maybe one or two people I went to high school with but not on a regular basis... and guess what? They have babies! It's amazing how acceptable it is to have children before you have a financial background, before you have your life together. I am still figuring out mine, so how could I guide another little human being on theirs? 

I give kudos to all of you who have had children, and made it with little to no money. I seriously do, because honestly I would freak out. Bringing another child into this world is a HUGE responsibility. I want nothing but the best for that kid, (not saying people who have no money don't). I have had a plan since I was ten years old:

1. Finish High school and get my Bachelors
2. Marry the love of my life after College
3. Have a child after I have been married at least 2 years and have found a job
4. Have a house with everything a child may need
5. Finish everything on my bucket list (look for a future post on my bucket list)

Once I reach my goals, then I shall think about children, and how I want to raise them. But until then, I am going to live my life and only worry about myself. I come first, my life comes first, and my responsibilities come first which is obviously finishing college and finding a big girl job.